My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
