That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
