Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
