You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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