he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
