ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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