You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
