fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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