I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
