Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
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