how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
