Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
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You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
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