i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
