At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
