I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
All the doctor said was why
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
