Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
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