am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
