She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
