If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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