i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
