I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
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