Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
