Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
