tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
