Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
