I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
