he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
