If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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