I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
