so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
