Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Randomize
