White coat. Heels.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
