I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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