She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
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I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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