Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
