I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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