you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
