I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
