I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
