Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
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I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
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I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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