So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Randomize
