I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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