4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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