What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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