The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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