Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
