Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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