another moral hangover. fuck.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
