I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
