I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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