South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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