If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
