If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
