What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize