cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
