I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
we're making bets on your personal life
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
