i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
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