This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
