Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
