If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Operation Purity has been aborted
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
