Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
