I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
