Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
