I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
