Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
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while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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