why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Randomize
