Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
