Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize