Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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